Dear Prednisone (The Break Up Letter)
Today is July 14, 2016 and I am glad to say it is the last day I will ever allow you to invade my body. I have been taking you since September of 2005. Lets take this time to reminisce, I have been on 40mg while carrying twins for 7 months. I have had many fractured bones. I’ve been diagnosed with pleural effusion which is fluid in the lining of my lungs and chest which resulted in doctors orders to take 20mg of prednisone daily. I’ve had issues with my kidneys, again placed on 20mg of prednisone daily. Although my dose of prednisone was lowered at times I would always have to return to a higher dose. March of 2016, I was placed on 20mg of prednisone due to a condition called Raynaud’s Syndrome which is poor blood flow to my fingers and toes. After changing Rheumatologist and discussing possible death in my near future, I decided to take control of this situation. I vowed to myself that I would work on removing prednisone out of my life, hopefully for good. To be honest, I was not happy about having a conversation about death at the age of 30 and thinking about leaving my twin children alone and leaving my love ones. I also felt I had so much more to complete before I exit this world so I decided it was time to do what I had to do in order to fight back at lupus and prednisone. I no longer wanted to depend on taking you (prednisone). I did what the doctor asked of me and I went the extra mile. I started excising and running in the park on weekends because I am a full time employee and a full time single mom. I stayed on 20mg of prednisone for about 2 months. When I returned to the doctor for my blood results, to my surprise my blood work showed great improvement. I was lowered to 10mg of prednisone then the following 4 weeks I was lowered to 7.5mg of prednisone after the 7.5mg I would have to continue to work my way down to 5mg and then 2.5mg of prednisone and finally after 10 days of 2.5mg I would be free of the medication that has caused so much internal damage to my body. I was lowered because I had been taking prednisone for many years and my body would have gone through a massive withdrawal episode if I would have stopped the prednisone instantly.
I am not sorry that it has to end prednisone. I am excited to see what life has in store for me. You have held me captive in my own body for many years. You took over my well being mentally, emotionally as well as physically. From the suicidal thoughts to the uncontrollable mood swings last but not least the extreme amount of unnecessary weight gain. Eating an extreme amount of sweets is now a thing of the past. I will no longer need you and that’s the best part of this break up. Although we have been together for almost 12 years you have helped ease pain but never fully removed the pain caused by lupus, it is best we end this relationship sooner than later. Prednisone we are told as patients that you are suppose to help us with what we are experiencing but instead you do just the opposite. The many sleepless nights are over. The thoughts of isolation and pushing my love ones out of my life is completely over. Prednisone this will be the best goodbye I have ever had to experience. I have been able to sleep better, think clear positive thoughts along with losing weight. This is goodbye and I am hoping it is forever.
Prednisone you are a mind controlling, causing depression and sleepless nights, over eating medication whom I like to call “a bully in a bottle”. I would eat when I was not hungry. I would stay up at night. I would feel lazy, tired and worthless on a daily basis all because of medication that was so called suppose to help me. I now have much more energy. I feel alive. I feel wonderful. I feel as though I am a new being all because the meds are now slowly exiting my system and my body is learning how to function on its own without the assistance of Prednisone. I no longer have suicidal thoughts. I no longer feel worthless. I no longer eat unnecessary food as well as meals. I no longer stay up at night crying uncontrollably over things I cannot change. I am alive and well. This is as close to normal as I will ever get and I am forever thankful. Knowing that Lupus will never leave my body also knowing that I am now free from your captivity is enough for me. I lived as a prisoner for far too long and I am now free, so prednisone this is goodbye hopefully forever.
I would like to take this time to thank my love ones who stayed around and helped me in my time of need. My support system is strong and if not for you guys, I do not know where I would be. To my twin children, you have no idea how much you have helped me day in and day out. I love you beyond what meets the eye. To my mother, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for understanding that it was not me “it’s the medication” as you would say, I love you. To my best friend, my love for you is ever lasting no amount of words can express my gratitude for you. To my sister’s, I would like to say every one of you handled me with care and I thank each and every one of you, I love you all dearly. I decided to write you this letter because I wanted my love ones to understand the silent battle and prison I have been in for many years and hopefully my letter can help set someone else free. I am stronger than you prednisone. You tried to break me and did just the opposite you built a strong, will not stop at anything women who will not be defeated by anything not even a mind controlling bully in pill form. I am looking forward to my new life without you.
P.S. I am not sorry it had to end.